


I can’t regret one single thing

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-09
Updated: 2010-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:39:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8703502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jared is reflecting on his life as he nears 40, remembering how things were and how things changed over the years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** No spoilers for anything this is an AU with two extra made up characters.

  
Author's notes: This is a small view into the world of J2 in an AU, enjoy. Do not own, pity, they belong elsewhere, no malice intended.  


* * *

I can’t regret one single thing.

 

Jared sits quietly in his shared home in the Hollywood Hills; he’s reminiscing in his mind of all the things that have happened to him over the years. He’s touching 40 now, and still acting, still has what it takes apparently and still loves what he does, which is a good thing he couldn’t think of anything else he could possibly turn his hand to now. It’s been almost 18 years since he first met Jensen, since he first took one look at him and fell head over heals in love on the spot. He was never attracted to men before ever, he’s with a girl at the time but it’s nothing serious and they split, mainly in the hope that Jensen will get the idea and come falling into Jared’s arms; it doesn’t happen, like so many things Jensen is well aware of Jared but not aware enough at least not then.

 

Jared thinks at the time that maybe Jensen is a straight guy, he has a girl is happy all the usual stuff, but what he doesn’t know is that Jensen thinks Jared is hot. He makes comments about it when they are interviewed; Jared laughs at the subtext but does nothing about it. They have 5 years together before it gets too much and Jared ends up in a relationship he cant get out of and doesn’t need, he remembers bitterly how the wedding plans just overtook him, how he didn’t really want to marry this extraordinary girl, but he’d made a commitment and had to follow it through, it had lasted all of 4 months before it fell apart in dramatic fashion. He remembers being told she was pregnant and when he was advised of how far gone she was he realises he isn’t the father, his heart breaks at the realisation and he feels betrayed, he goes to the only person who understands, Jensen.

 

He remembers how Jensen took him in, sat him down and talked to him, told he had to take this one small step at a time make no press releases in fact make no comments at all. What he had to do was draw her out and make her slip up in some way so it didn’t hurt Jared; it was cruel very cruel but it was a sensible option in order to save not only what remained of Jared’s then tattered credibility and his sanity. He follows what Jensen says to the letter and his wife does make that slip up, it’s after she’s had the baby and it obviously just doesn’t look like him at all, it has dark brown eyes and really jet black hair, he’s tiny so tiny Jared could hold him in the palm of his hand, but he doesn’t. His eyes are wide as they look up at Jared’s form, too wide, too dark to be anything from Jared, and Jared right then knows that this little boy isn’t his. The little boys skin is dark much darker than his and he knows he the product of a relationship his almost ex wife had before they split with an Italian actor, he’s there in the hospital somewhere keeping a low profile but knowing he’s the father. He takes one last look at the boy who could have been his, glances at his ex wife, says nothing and leaves.

 

She makes a brief statement about something or other tries to blame Jared for her predicament but as the little boy grows up it’s obvious that he’s nothing to do with Jared, his nose is wrong for a start his hair is straight, and he’s small. Jared knows that if he had kids they would be tall, that’s just something he knows right away.

 

Jared moves off the sofa in the living room walking slowly over to the window a huge expanse of glass; floor to ceiling with electronic curtains that close at night at the push of a button on the wall. He looks out over a garden slightly below them and tops of trees at his eye line, he can see houses dotted around in front of him, all hidden from view with large trees and neatly kept gardens. He’d spotted the house several years ago and kept and eye on it until I came up for sale, they’d viewed it together, made an offer and had moved in on the anniversary of their meeting all that time ago, Jensen saying it was Karma that it all panned out the way it did.

 

The house is big too big when they first move in and they feel a little like marbles rattling round in a box for a while, but as time passes they fill it with their favourite things, CD’s, books, pictures and furniture that suits both of their tastes. 

 

He remembers how Jensen had supported him after his marriage broke down, how he was there at the end of a telephone even at an ungodly hour of the day. He remembers how Jensen told him he wasn’t getting married after all, he’d split from his fiancé amicably by all accounts and according to representatives, but not according to Jensen, even now she still narrows her eyes at Jared, although she doesn’t spit venom at him anymore she couldn’t hold her distaste in check. She was married and had been for a long time to an executive producer at Warner’s, she was happy by all accounts and had two lovely daughters. She never spoke to Jensen again with a civil tongue but that wasn’t surprising really, who could blame her.

 

He remembers Jensen being quiet, isolated and terrible bad tempered at the time; he remembers how Jensen had arrived at his Vancouver home drunk, talking loudly and wildly about his shit life. He remembers how Jensen told him it was his fault he was in this state, he can’t remember how they had ended up kissing, how they ended up in his bedroom in a state of raw desire and half dressed before Jensen had collapsed on the bed muttering something about hot co-stars and how they should be shot, before falling asleep.

 

He remembers the morning after and the fall out from it, God that had been so difficult to work through but luckily they’d only had a couple more episodes of Season 5 to finish before they could go their separate ways for a while. Jared remembers the pain of separation from Jensen far more than any other separation he’d experienced, he remembers the mind numbing pain he’d felt in his chest whenever he thought of Jensen with someone else and the overwhelming feeling of jealousy.

 

Then out of the blue he’d gotten a call from Jensen, and he was sober as well, he was in Texas visiting his family and wanted to see Jared; they needed to speak. Jared remembers the journey to Dallas, the frosty reception from Donna and Alan, unknown to Jared Jensen had told his parents all about Jared and how he felt. Jared knew at the time Mr and Mrs Ackles did not approve of their son’s venture into being gay and Jensen to be honest had given up trying to tell them he wasn’t gay, just in love with Jared and didn’t fancy other men, heck he liked women too. 

 

They’d decided to move to an hotel as obviously the arguments at the Ackles household were getting out of hand and Jared felt like a fifth wheel standing in the living room feeling guilty about what he didn’t know. Once in the hotel room, Jensen had taken off his jacket and sat forlornly on one of the beds, never once looking up at Jared.

 

“So this is the way things are going to be with us” Jensen said his voice tinged with so much sadness.

 

“Jensen I hope not this is killing me knowing how you feel, well hoping I know how you feel, but knowing how everyone is against us,” Jared said taking a seat on the bed opposite him.

 

“Jared you have no idea how I feel,” Jensen raised his eyes and looked directly at Jared his stare hard and cold.

 

“Oh,” was all Jared could manage his voice quiet and softer than usual.

 

“I’ve loved you since the first day we met, but I had no idea what it was I was feeling, it wasn’t until I met Danni that I had some idea what I felt. I mean I loved Danni but not in the way I love you, and don’t say the usual crap about us being like brothers ‘cos believe me how I feel has nothing to do with being brotherly.”

 

“Oh,” Jared said again getting very confused.

 

“I know that you got married because, well lets face it both of us knew it wouldn’t work between us too many complications so we were taking the easy way out.” Jensen said now looking at Jared his eyes softer.

 

“Jensen why didn’t you ever tell me? I mean why didn’t you give me a clue? I mean I was forever touching, hugging, loving you in front of cameras, friends hell even family and you never reciprocated, not once.” Jared said quietly.

 

“I did in my own way but was too afraid to push it a level up if you know what I mean” Jensen replied “scared to death of loosing you as a friend.”

 

Jared remembered standing up and pulling Jensen up into a hug which lasted what seemed like hours but was only a few minutes. Soft murmurings of encouragement and promises whispered to be kept, gentle kisses that turned passionate and demanding within moments of lips touching. Fingers fumbling with buttons, zips and underwear that had ulterior motives and they were naked on a bed moving against each other to get friction and see if this was all it was literally cracked up to be. Neither was disappointed even though a hand or two had to intervene before one of them burst into tears from sheer need.

 

Whether it was because neither of them had experienced such desire in their lives or it was the spontaneity of the moment Jared never fathomed that out. Jensen had come out to his parents even before Jared had time to think and the fall out from that was inevitable; they stopped speaking at least for a time. So them falling into bed with each other was a way of relieving the tension a way for Jensen to spell out what he desired and wanted and how lonely he felt all at once. For Jared it was more animalistic he couldn’t even put it into words as he lay next to Jensen catching his breath and listening to Jensen breathing slowly besides him.

 

Jared remembered with alarming clarity how everything panned out, how the press reacted, the stories written were sensational in their revelations, and amusing as well as frightening. Who’d have thought that the little interviewer from several years ago would turn into such a harridan? How much complete drivel and filth she put into the words in her piece in the rag mag weekly, something under the name of celebrity or something similar, who cared. The circulation of the story became boring and what’s more none of it is true; like how does she know what they wear in bed, does she know how they like to kiss and cuddle, no for her it was all about male bonding out of control. She wrote it like she imagined two men together and got it all wrong, they weren’t violent or rushed or anything like that, Jared remembers laughing after reading the piece, swore he would never even look at another copy of celebrity or whatever it was called, and never did. The copy he held in his hand went in the bin, he remembered that distinctly. Who gave the magazine the heads up was a mystery, or was it a lucky guess?

 

Then there were Jared’s parents and their reaction; not dissimilar to Jensen’s the silent approach to the other’s partner seemed to be a familiar trait and hurt them both deeply to see how it contradicted their parents’ moral views on relationships. Jared begged his parents almost on he knees and since he was on the phone at the time he didn’t think it would have the same baring but they just didn’t want to know. It wasn’t surprising but it hurt not to have much contact with them, other than per functionary phone conversations at birthdays, or family events. No visit to either for several Christmas’s either, which nearly killed Jensen, he loved being with his family at that time of year. Then again they got to spent two Christmas holidays together, and got to get their heads around Christmas in general both appreciating how much work actually went into a smooth day.

 

Jensen’s brother spoke to him on a weekly basis much more than he had done previously, either through necessity or the need to make sure his little brother was in this for the right reasons and not for just a bit of fun. Josh for his part was supportive and realised how much Jensen actually felt for Jared, and couldn’t help but wonder if this was a relationship which was once in a life time or even a century. Josh couldn’t help but think the connection between them was a forerunner and final conclusion to something which even the Gods couldn’t have prevented or predicted the out come of. There was some nasty press about them, but their fans, bless them were generally supportive, and they got hundreds and hundreds of letters of support and love and promises that if anyone in their vicinity wrote or said something they’d kill them. That had brought a smile to Jensen’s face and a laugh from Jared when Jensen commented on how many bodyguards they would have.

 

Jared remembered his brother and sister’s reaction to him coming out, they were muted to say the least, Jeff not so much as disappointed as he never said, but his relationship with Jared cooled quite a bit. Megan on the other hand was as curious as to why her very heterosexual brother had suddenly fallen for Jensen; sure she could understand the attraction but why? Jared remembered talking to her telling her of the instant connection they had, almost within the first minute of meeting, how that connection and friendship had continued throughout the filming of the seasons. How after relationship breakups how they supported each other and how things changed only slightly at first, he did leave out how they ended up in bed the first time and how that really changed everything.

 

Jared remembered a few months after the story hit the headlines in the worst way possible, by someone ratting them out and that inexcusably bad story ending up in that tatty magazine, complete with badly edited photographs. The powers that be at WB had called them in for separate meetings, neither of which they had expected, they were threatened with removal from the series and possible after effects of not being able to work in Hollywood, ever. Jared remembered standing feeling overly tall and using it to his advantage, he remembered his words clearly, you do what you feel is necessary but don’t blame this on our relationship, it has nothing to do with that and you know it. With that he’d left the office to stand outside fuming, bitter with anger, rage flaring up in him at the demand of give up this juvenile dalliance with Jensen. This was definitely not juvenile and as for it being a dalliance well what the heck did they know and why did he have to explain his actions to some stupid old fool in an office too small for his overblown ego.

 

He remembered being called back in, no actually it was a demand he come back in and he’d refused and left the WB offices, with final words to the secretary who looked harassed and embarrassed, were that his private life was that private, and nothing to do with someone who was obviously homophobic, oh and if someone who was dating a girl was called in to the office like this would they be treated in the same way, no of course not. He remembered meeting Jensen in the car park below and surprisingly Jensen was smoking, not something he’d done in ages, and he looked pale and angry, pretty much like Jared did. Jensen had flicked his cigarette away ignoring the do not smoke placks all over the walls and had just hugged Jared so tight he thought his lungs would burst. It was obvious to both of them that they had been given the same ultimatum, give up or get out, and they’d both chosen the later and got out. Whether it was a good thing neither knew but they were not going to be bullied into giving something up that they both wanted and both needed and heck enjoyed too. 

 

He remembered the weeks that followed; most of it blurred by the passage of time but still there in bits and pieces, the phone calls from the producers of Supernatural, several cast members, the directors’ hell even the crew giving their support. One of the actresses on the show had gone public and said that their preferences didn’t change anything and it was narrow minded to think otherwise, plus she didn’t see what the fuss was about they were still Jared and Jensen. After all why did people feel the need to dictate to others how they should live, they were not hurting anyone they were not forcing their choices on others and it had been a brave act to come out in the first place, even if it had been through no choice of their own. She’d had some pretty vicious words to say about how that had happened too, despising the fact that someone who possibly knew them had decided it was in their best interests to out them, just for a few bucks. Jared loved her from that moment forward and never forgot the kind words and encouragement she gave them. 

 

Jared remembered moving in with Jensen at that time, it was too freaky being on his own so much, so Jensen had offered him a home and he’d taken the opportunity to move in pretty quickly. They spent a lot of time going over what they’d done, what they’d said in that meeting, and how they’d get through this. It was a strain and it drained the pair of them substantially, so when they got a call from the highest power the man himself, the one who was in charge of everything at WB, they were surprised to say the least. He came to their house, scared them half to death by phoning saying he was outside right then, they let him in and sat and talked. He listened, nodded his head and told them they had to get a statement drawn up, in their words, so it was genuine it had to be heart felt and honest. He gave them a couple of pointers and then said they needn’t worry about their careers WB would support them whatever the outcome. When the man in charge had left, both men let out a huge sigh of relief and after a hug and cuddle on the sofa they felt much more relaxed and in control, although Jensen did voice and opinion as to why it had gone this far in the first place. He said he’d felt like a kid being hauled in front of the principle at school for doing something bad behind the gym, Jared had laughed saying it was more like getting caught having his cock sucked by the gym teacher. Jensen had frowned saying he’d not like that at all; his gym teacher had been a woman over 6 foot tall, well the one he remembered anyway. Jared had laughed telling Jensen he was such a girl, Jensen for his part had raised his eyebrows and told Jared in colourful language to go procreate by himself. 

 

Later that week and after sleeping much better for a couple of nights they settled down to write up their statement. The final draft was a combination of their individual attempts and Jared still had the paper it was written on in his memory folder complete with crossings outs and a game of noughts and crosses on it.

 

Word for word he could still remember it, exactly how it had been written all those years ago. 

 

Further to an article written in *rude word for the magazine but not in the final draft*, we feel we have been forced by this unapproved publication to confirm that we are in a relationship. We have, as people will know, known each other for a number of years and have a connection which has helped us to develop the characters we play on the Series Supernatural. This connection put aside we realised that our friendship was more than just a passing phase and our genuine affection for each other was out there for all to see. We have never gone out of our way to confirm or disprove any relationship and have never been asked directly about this, we would say however, that we would have been careful about our answers and this is not about hiding from the truth but keeping our private lives private. As there is so much speculation involving us at the moment we feel it necessary to put the records straight and confirm that we are in a relationship, and other than that it is a private affair and absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. We would appreciate if everyone would honour our private lives and let us be who we are. On a more personal note we would like to thank everyone who wrote to us offering support this has been a means of great strength to us both and for that we are forever thankful.

 

Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.

 

Their agents and management teams approved and it was sent off to WB for final approval, it was given out a few days later with no alterations. Jared and Jensen waited for the backlash to begin, but it never happened, it was all quiet on the Western Front to say the least. E Entertainment and a couple of other television channels did a story on them, but it was mild in comparison to the magazine piece and the magazine was forced by public demand to issue an apology for speculating about their private lives, gave some garbage about it being in the public’s interest to out stars, and other stuff, but neither man actually read the magazine so couldn’t tell if it were genuine or not. The magazine seriously got into trouble a few years later when they outed someone who wasn’t even gay and it caused all sorts of back lash for the magazine, the person sued and the publication settled out of court a reported six figure sum. With their credibility severely dented the magazine slipped into obscurity and finally went into receivership a few years after.

 

Jared remembers strangely that nothing was ever mentioned about his marriage, its failure and the son who was never his. He’s pleased in a way as it’s a painful memory that he had yet to erase from his mind, and he didn’t need reminding about that on top of all the other crap they were dealing with.

 

He lies down on the bed and notices the brochures for properties on Jensen’s side of the bed, he knows Jensen is keen to find a new place, with fewer memories and somewhere where they can both put down roots and make their own. He glances through them and find the property they live in now, it’s for sale then and way out of their price range but it just catches his eye, that’s when he keeps his eyes on the property, finds out where it is and casually drives past with Jensen one Sunday morning. Jensen loves it so Jared tells him one day they will live there, Jensen says something about living in the clouds, and Jared tells him clouds are nice and fluffy, Jensen threatens to get out and walk, Jared laughs.

 

When they get home there is a woman by the main doorway to the building Jensen lives in and she’s leaving flowers on the door step, she jumps when they stand behind her asking if she needs help. She turns to them looking down at them and hands them the flowers, coming down the steps she says she understands the turmoil they must have been through and knows how it hurts. There is a little card tucked inside and although Jared takes it out he doesn’t open it and read it right then, just listens to the woman. She’s probably about 35 or thereabouts, she looks happy and sparkly eyed as Jared put it, a little girl comes running up to her telling her Mommy Jane is fed up in the car and wants to hurry to get to the store before all the best stuff is gone. The woman who leaves the flowers sweeps the little girl up into her arms, kisses both men on the cheek and leaves.

 

Once inside both men are quiet, not knowing that this will be the first of many such encounters with supportive people. It takes them by surprise this level of support from all walks of life, and it’s a little hard to understand how complete strangers can be supportive when their own families can’t. Jared tries hard not to let it get to him but it does and him and Jensen sit down on the sofa and drink beer, he asks Jensen to hold him, Jensen calls him a girl but hugs him all the same. Both men call their families but it’s still the same, although Jensen’s Dad is a little more accepting but only just, Jensen’s mother is out but Jensen has a suspicious feeling that she’s there but doesn’t want to speak. He accepts their views, but doesn’t offer anything up to them so there’s no Jared and I did this or that, it’s just clipped questions and careful answers, awkward isn’t anything near to what it feels like. Jared gets the same reaction from his parents so they decide to keep phone calls short so they don’t get too upset about things. 

 

Jared remembers their first attempts at becoming lovers and how darn difficult they both found it. It was a combination of awkward and embarrassing, painful and delightful at the same time. Jensen being terrified when he realised what part of Jared had to go where, stating that there was no way it would fit and if it did Jared would have to take Jensen to the ER to have something repaired and imagine the embarrassment of explaining that one. So Jared had been on the bottom and Jensen on top, with neither knowing what to do, they managed to work it out somehow but Jensen could tell it had hurt like hell and he didn’t want to do that again if that was the result, he could live with hand jobs for the rest of his life.

 

Jared remembers searching the internet and finally getting a site which offered pretty good advice, techniques and various products to be used giving them a star rating. Jared found it a mine of information and when he seduced Jensen one Friday night after a nice evening out with friends and quite a bit of alcohol he almost fell to his knees and worshipped the site on the wonderful result. Jared remembers taking his time with Jensen watching the man’s expressions change from shock and fear to desire and want, he never knew he could experience something so familiar and intimate yet it feel so new and fresh. He was careful with Jensen heeding his earlier comments about the ER and embarrassing explanations, so taking his time was an option he knew he needed. After watching Jensen fall apart below him and cry out in ecstasy as he dragged every last bit of orgasm from him, he let himself go and nearly blew all the roof tiles off the building, to say they were noisy was an understatement and the lady next door the following day had smiled at them for the first time. Jared was very keen for Jensen to do that too him, and let Jensen read the site for himself without him breathing down his neck. Jensen was an expert a natural, he just had the knack as soon as he began prepping Jared, his fingers hitting Jared’s prostate again and again even without fishing about for it. Jared practically, clawed at Jensen who would have none of it and took his own sweet time despite Jared practically chewing his arms off and kissing him all over, well where he could reach. More noise was made and a lot of swearing from Jared, oh he remembered that well, but he also remembered how blissed out he felt afterwards, how relaxed and contented. Taking their time was their favourite but on occasions they just wanted a quickie like most people do in relationships and Jared remembers all those times, the giggling teasing and general daftness that ensued followed by sleep and waking up feeling all lovey and wonderful.

 

The woman next door becomes a friend and suggests they ask about the empty apartment in the same complex but further up the hill, it’s for sale similar to what Jensen has now in style and build but it’s just that bit bigger. They take a look, like it and its location and set about getting it together, everything runs smoothly and before they head back to continue on Series 6, they’ve moved in and made it theirs. It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen with dining area, a separate dining room which they use for all the fitness equipment they have and a large living room. All in all it’s perfect and it’s on the top floor so the master bedroom up there has access to a roof top patio which is heaven in California. They have an awning which is standard with the property and pulls out to cover the door ways; not that they are overlooked but on occasions they like to sit out there with only shorts on and just chill.

 

Jared knows as they make their way to Vancouver that he needs to sell his property in the city and either buy or rent a place. Jensen suggests that he keeps the place for the time being, rents it out when they finish Season 6, the money would always come in handy, trust Jensen to have the business brains. In between the episodes and on their odd days off they take on the task to decorating the little house, it looks good when they finish, despite the smell of paint and dog paw prints across the kitchen floor in soft Stone paint it went well. 

 

Jared remembers everyone on set the first day they arrive, since they haven’t had much contact with a lot of them it could have been awkward but it wasn’t, it certainly wasn’t as it had been but they’d been away for a year. Jared knows from the comments he hears and gets that people think they look good together but they’ve lost weight, Jared wants to say that what they’ve been through he’s surprised they haven’t got malnutrition, but he doesn’t, he’s polite and smiles and thanks them for their care.

 

Eric is a little more open with them, telling them that their coming out well wasn’t a big surprise to him or a lot of people for that matter and he’s pleased they’ve found each other but can they keep the god damn antics down this season. They look at him innocently, exchange glances and begin calling him dad, he rolls his eyes and knows leopards never change their spots not matter what.

 

Jared remembers Series 6 of Supernatural was probably the most fun to make and it explored new avenues for the brothers Winchester, opened up the possibility of a film at a later date and of course got the fans talking mainly because the two men had been outed in the worst possible way. They were on talk shows all over mainly promoting the new season but the conversation usually came back to their relationship, they were of course cagey about talking too much about it but they discussed the small amount of media time they had taken up and how they were disappointed they couldn’t come out on their own terms. To be truthful they were relieved when furore about them died down and they were able to slip into something resembling a normal relationship.

By the end of 2011 Jared and Jensen have seen the last episode aired of Supernatural and the season finale is a resounding success, most watched TV show in the US, with the execs at WB scrambling for the rights to a film at a later date. Jared remembers Jensen’s 34th birthday he remembers what he buys for him, a small model car, made of stainless steel in a little glass box, Jensen loves it and loves it even more when he hits 36 when Jared buys him the real thing. He also remembers when he made a short film for an up and coming film director it was one of those films Jared suspected would go straight to DVD but it didn’t, it was released in selected theatres, it was a slow burner as Jensen called it. He worked with a young English actress who became firm friends with both men, and surprisingly the little film won an Oscar for best short story film by a new director. Jared couldn’t have been more thrilled, he was in an Oscar winning film and well as Jensen said you only had to see it to realise it was instant Oscar material anyways. Well Jensen was biased wasn’t he?

 

It was around about 2012 when both men decided that they wanted their relationship to be on a firmer footing and looked into exchanging vows at least in a civil ceremony, they obviously couldn’t go to Texas to do that as it wasn’t legal there so they looked at doing it in California. So on Jared’s 30th birthday and in front of friends only as family weren’t invited as both men assumed that their families would avoid this sort of event like the plague they exchanged vows. It was a simple civil ceremony, with the English actress who’d been in the Oscar winning film with Jared as a witness and her husband as the second witness. Their honeymoon was in Spain in an hotel Jensen had seen on some holiday programme in the United Kingdom when they’d done their last Convention there. The hotel was spectacular to say the least but well worth the money spent as they had a wonderful time together. 

 

It was one night Jared remembered ringing his family after making sure that the time difference was acceptable and he wouldn’t be telephoning at 3 in the morning, pissing his parents off even more. He spoke to both his parents then told them to put the phone on loudspeaker and told them he’d married Jensen, he was met with silence for what seemed like an hour then he heard his mom let out a muffled sob. He remembered he half expected his father to say something along the lines of how could you, why would you want to do this to us, what makes you want to marry a man, or at least something like that but no he got a reply he never expected. Congratulations we wish we’d been there, wish we had been able to attend, why weren’t we invited, did we do something wrong. Well yeah in fact you did he says to his parents, telling them how he felt when they distinctly took a dislike to Jensen and made it quite clear that they didn’t support him no matter what. His mother had clicked off the loudspeaker button and spoke to her son the words reverberating around his head and making him feel like a child again. Now listen to me son, she’d said her voice instantly dropping into school teacher mode, it was a shock to find out that our son who we’d assumed was totally heterosexual actually wasn’t, I mean you dated girls for heavens sake. Then you announce to us that you are seeing Jensen not as a friend but as a boyfriend, but son we had to find out with a neighbour rushing around with a terrible magazine neither of us had heard of and read that disgusting filth about you. I mean we were stunned and you’d never given us any hints previously so to say that this took us by surprise was an understatement, don’t you think? Jared smiled slightly apologised to his parents profusely and said he wasn’t totally gay, to which his father groaned and made him laugh by saying he was metro sexual, no dad bisexual he’d told his father, who’d replied by saying well all means the same to me.

 

Jared remembers the meeting with his parents after the honeymoon, it had been strained to begin with but his parents soon relaxed into the situation and really could understand why both men felt so much for each other. It wasn’t a phase either of them was going through they were too old for that now so it was obviously the real thing, so they accepted it even if they didn’t approve they loved their son and in turn loved Jensen just as much. Jensen’s parents were slightly different, it took them a little longer to get used to the idea, but as Jensen said that was inevitable he didn’t expect anything less, he knew how their church upbringing would bring into sharp contrast their son’s life style decision, but after while they sort of warmed to the idea. They stopped making Jared feel like some sort of devil who’d lead their son astray and opened their door and hearts to him. 

 

Jared remembers with sharp clarity the years that followed, how when they worked away from each other how they sent each other disgusting text messages that got each of them laughing out loud. Their telephone calls at the end of a day’s shoot were just as bad if anyone had ever seen what they got up when on their own in some obscure hotel room they’d have been arrested. Those years were good ones until Jensen found out he was sick and then everything changed, the pattern of their lives were interrupted and it brought to the fore a situation that neither of them chose. Testicular cancer wasn’t a pleasant thing and after his treatment Jensen hid away from the world he was afraid that people would treat him differently and to be honest they did. It took Jared a long time to persuade him to go and talk to people be open about it and perhaps that would save peoples lives. So Jensen did just that, he went on a programme a serious programme just after a news bulletin on a Thursday evening, he was interviewed by a young woman who asked him several personal questions on the subject and he answered clearly and without any hint of embarrassment it was a candid interview reflecting Jensen in the best light possible. He in some ways got men thinking about things they usually ignored and the rate of younger men getting checked out increased, for his part Jensen felt that some good had come out of it even if his ability to father children had been severely limited.

 

Jared remembered how bad he’d looked after finding out the bad news, how bad he’d looked after the surgery and the treatments of chemo he needed, how all his hair fell out and how sick he got. He remembered bringing him home the after his final blast of poison, as Jensen called it, and how he just sank into the sofa cushions and looked so frail. He remembered how clingy he got to Jensen at that time and how suffocated the man must have felt but he never said anything. Then when Jensen had done the interview and found out that men all over were going to check themselves out, he just got that spark back and was almost at a point where he was back to being himself again. Of course the weight loss was only temporary and Jensen rapidly began to look like he had previously, probably even better if Jared thought about it. The general public just took them to heart and their conventions after that were solidly booked so that extra days had to be squashed in at various locations all over the US and for that matter the world. 

 

Jared remembers when the house he’d taken a keen interest in came on the market and when he investigated further he found they could afford it. They looked it over with the realtor and put in an offer; it was accepted and they finally had a home up in the hills, secluded and away from prying eyes. They sold the flat in Burbank, and moved in to their own house a few weeks later. With not much to be done only a little decorating here and there, they put their mark on the place and turned it into a home. The house in Vancouver was sold which was a wrench for both of them since happy times were had at that little house, but it was a good thing as the money Jared made on that was put into the house in LA. 

 

Jared remembers how much sex they had in their new house, every room was christened in some way or another. They had lots of sex before one of them had to leave to go and work on location somewhere and when they came home it was more of the same, lots of sex. They had a few arguments a couple of which had one of them walking out of the door before more hurtful words were said only to come back a couple of hours later apologise to the other and end up having make up sex, which to Jensen was the best ever, the first time that happened he came so hard he nearly passed out. It was a very democratic relationship with no battle for domination from either of them. Although one may take control there was no way either one wanted to dominate the other, that to them was a little freaky.

 

In around 2014 they looked into adoption but the usual routes were closed to them as they were deemed as a little too eccentric to be viable candidates as parents. They did find an agency in LA who put them on their books but couldn’t make any promises about finding them what they wanted. Ideally they wanted fair haired or brown haired children, but then again so did everyone else on the road to adoption. The call came about 5 months after they’d signed up to the agency and Nancy their case worker telephoned to say that a suitable child had been found. They’d gone round the following day to be told that the little boy in question didn’t want to leave his sister and go off and be on his own. They told Nancy that adopting two was just as good as one and had persuaded her to let them met the brother and sister under strict supervision. The little boy was very protective of his sister and both appreciated that as they felt the same about their sisters, the two gelled well with both Jared and Jensen and on their next couple of meetings Jared remembered them both flinging their arms around these strange men who they liked a lot. After several more meetings and lots of interviews they got to take the kids home for a weekend; it had been a great success with only a few tears from the little girl. So Just before Christmas 2014 Jared and Jensen took the steps to adopt the two children and they officially became Cameron and Stephanie Ackles-Padalecki, a mouthful to be sure but the kids loved it. The little boy was 8 at the time and the little girl was just 5, and they were loved very much by both men. Jensen got a little pissed off about Jared encouraging the kids to call him momma, but Jared’s retort to that was he was the girl in the relationship. Stephanie always as a child called Jensen Mamma Jensen, or shortened it as she got older to MJ in fact both she and her brother called him MJ something he could live with as long as no one asked why the initials. They simply called Jared by his name, and as they got older they called him senile or needs locking up and then running like hell when Jared put on his serious father face and went after them. Usually there was lots of squealing and shrieks of laughter and Jensen putting his hands over his ears and telling them all to shut up or he’d come after them all. It was organised chaos at the house, with toys all over the floor and the long planned for neat home had disappeared rapidly. 

 

Now Jared sits in the living area of the house he’s almost 40 in fact in a few days he will be 40, he doesn’t mind so much he’s had it good so far, he knows there’s a party planned for him and he doesn’t mind that either. He has a wonderful partner whom he loves probably more now than he did went they got married, he has two kids one 16 and one 13 and he’s proud of them. Cameron is about to begin Senior High in the September and is a sports fanatic like Jensen, Stephanie is just clever just like Jared so she says. At that Jensen always rolls his eyes and Jared grins at him completely agreeing with his daughter.

 

Although she’s 13 Stephanie doesn’t have much attitude and the teenage rebellion seems to have slipped her by, so by and large she’s a pretty good kid, she does have her moments though. Like the time she really like that boy at school and wanted to go meet him in the park, by the time she got there he was with another girl from the same class. Jared remembers her coming home in a furious mood and looking around in the closet for something, Jensen had asked her what she was doing and she’d said she needed a shot gun to go finish the bastard off. After much explaining and lots of hugs later she was convinced that he wasn’t worth it and was a complete dick if he was picking another girl over their beautiful daughter. Cameron on the other hand just busied himself with being a good soccer player and enjoying all competitive sports, whether participating or watching. They were regular visitors to the Super Bowl each season and were frequently filmed there or at some basketball match in LA. 

 

Jared was pondering a few things before the front door burst open and Stephanie launched herself into Jared’s arms hugging him and saying life was wonderful and after like a million years the boy she’d hung around with since kindergarten had asked her out. Jared worried quietly hoping she wouldn’t be on the hunt for a shotgun any time soon, but Jared needn’t have worried she was fine with Alex, just fine.

 

Cameron had a girlfriend her name of Reesa and she lived probably three doors down from them, he seemed keen on her and Jensen and Jared had already had THE talk with him. He’d eyed them both suspiciously telling them that he wasn’t gay like them and he did know what was what, and they’d just confuse the matter if they continued. Of course, a few days later he did come and ask a few questions, which after exchanging looks with each other they answered their curious son.

 

Jared sat with his daughter and listened whilst she talked about her friends, school, her new boyfriend and his birthday, she gave him a small smile and put her finger over her lips and whispered in his ear a shhhh noise. It was like his two kids just couldn’t keep a secret doing that would probably make them both burst with the anticipation. An hour or so later Jensen arrived with Cameron the two talking avidly about some incident at the game, noticing Jared sitting with Stephanie they both came over and hugged him. He’d been away for a few days and wasn’t expected back until later that night but he’d gotten away early and was home sooner than he anticipated. 

 

Over dinner that night he listened to their news, Cameron was not only on the Soccer Team at Senior but also he’d been picked for the Football and basket ball team, he was over the moon he just had to pick one he wanted to focus on. Stephanie mentioned her new boyfriend to the eye rolling of Cameron who got hit on the head by a fork from Stephanie as she continued. Jensen said he’d been offered a script for a TV show to begin filming in October, it wasn’t some procedural show and he liked to call them it was about a Law Firm and the trials that each of the characters have to attend and the after affects of that. Jensen had to admit that although the genre had been done to death the script was pretty good, so he was going to see how things panned out. Jared’s news was the best, he’d been writing a script for sometime, well he’d been writing it with Jensen and it had been picked up by WB of all people. That was where he’d been for the last few days, hashing out a few last details and getting the contract that he wanted. Jensen was so pleased; he couldn’t stop grinning at Jared.

 

With Cameron in bed dreaming about kicking, throwing or bouncing something sports like and Stephanie dreaming about young love the two fathers sat together on the sofa and discussed events.

 

“Been a long day hasn’t it?” Said Jared quietly, thumb idly making small circles in Jensen’s arm.

 

“Yeah it has. I’m so pleased about your news Jay” Jensen said looking up at him from his position of spooned in front of Jared.

 

“Gonna be hard work if you ask me.” Jared said, grinning at him.

 

“Nah it’ll be fine you’ll see.” Jensen said lazily just glad for the moment’s peace they were having. “Come on Jay lets go celebrate.” Jensen continued sitting up slowly and leaning back against Jared.

 

“Can’t kids are in bed and it’s too late to go somewhere, can’t get a babysitter this late.” Realisation came a whilst he was talking his eyebrows moved up his face and he looked carefully up at Jensen, still so damn good looking even though he’d just turned 44 that year. He swept his fingers up through Jensen’s hair and smiled up at him he knew what he was on about with celebrating, like take it to the bedroom type of celebrating. Jared reckoned he could be fairly dim when the notion took him and sometimes he wondered if he deserved the brain he’d been given, on occasions he was slow on the uptake. Jensen was grinning at him, and despite his age didn’t have any grey hairs in his head it was slightly darker than when Jared had first met him and vanity hadn’t extended so far that he’d resorted to surgery so he’d grown into middle age with grace. He was still ultra good looking and had matured into a man who kept his looks and didn’t look haggard and worn. Jared still felt the tug of satisfaction that’d they found each other when they did and that things had turned out so well after a few fraught moments. Jared was still tall, well he would be he still towered over people and although a few strands of grey threaded through his hair which he refused to do anything about, he’d kept his looks but he’d lost the little boy lost look a long time ago and had matured into roles which seemed to fit him perfectly, so the natural progression was to go into writing and directing which he’d yet to accomplish.

 

Jensen pulled at his arm and they stood and moved to the bedroom, a ritual as familiar as breathing began. Fingers sought buttons on clothing, zippers were lowered and tee shirts removed, mouths searched tongues fought gently and lips slid lazily over each other. They’d learnt a long time ago to slow things down, that way it lasted longer and the after buzz was more exhilarating, and the slow kisses afterwards and the murmured words of love all the more poignant. Now they lay naked one on top of the other and it matter not who was on the bottom and who gave and who took, that wasn’t important anymore it was all about sharing. Jared lay underneath Jensen knowing this was what Jensen wanted to give, feeling him moving into him in a slow deliberate way liking how his body felt beneath his fingers. Eighteen years and counting since they’d first met and coming up to god knows how many years since they’d begun a full on relationship. 

 

Jared heard himself moan softly knowing that the kids with radar ears would be up in a shot if they got too loud, it had happened once and much to the kid’s amusement and the two men’s embarrassment and loads of explaining later they’d started to get quieter as time passed. The kids understood that they had two dads and no mother involved, and they’d accepted it even if sometimes other people gave them a hard time

 

The movements became more frenzied, Jared had been away for a couple of days and although both men were used to periods of time away from each other they enjoyed the welcome home sex just as much as any other sex they had. Jensen pushed in one last time and his head tilted back and he moaned softly, letting the full explosion of orgasm hit him, it rolled through him like an express train, Jared trailed after him and just watching tipped him gently over the edge. To cover any loud outbursts and shrieking he pulled himself up and hugged Jensen close to him, burying his face in his neck, breathing hard as the orgasm evened out and his breathing levelled. 

 

Later they lay next to each other looking up at the ceiling and idly drawing finger patterns in each others skin, it was nice to lye like this, warm contented and sated.

 

“So, Mr Lover boy you looking forward to hitting 40?” Jensen said a smile playing on his lips, lips still full and sensuous.

 

Jared looked at him for a second and smiled nodding his head, he actually didn’t mind so much, it had been more of a strain hitting 30 and 40 was a cake walk in comparison. 

 

“You looking forward to turning 50?” He asked Jensen hesitating to glance at him knowing he’d be glaring, he laughed loudly when Jensen wacked him hard in the face with a pillow.

 

“Shut up.” Was all Jensen could manage as a retort, he moved slightly and lay face down on the bed, turning his head to look at Jared, “By the time I’m 50 we’ll both be having trouble getting it up so make the most of it.” Jensen whispered softly.

 

Jared shot him a yeah-right-you-maybe-but-not-me look and gave him the finger, Jensen made a move to bite him but Jared moved away quickly.

 

So with a few bad years behind them and the even more good years to come they’d settled into a good life, a very good life. That’s how Jared remembers it all.

 

The End

 

More to come…..possibly, let me know.


End file.
